When we were suggested donor egg treatment, we were already mentally prepared for it. We had discussed it and had all but made the decision. We had dreamt about being parents for years and were ready to do almost anything to make it happen.
Our alternatives were to remain childless, try adoption or start donor egg treatments. Because I wanted to experience pregnancy, the choice was clear.
We first came to Ovumia in 2014 with almost a year and a couple of treatment rounds using our own gametes at Fertinova behind us. We tried again about five times with our own gametes. We lucked out once, but it ended in miscarriage.
We knew the chances were small, because I had been diagnosed with premature menopause well before I turned thirty. It’s hereditary, and my mother and grandmother had it too.
Still, we wanted to try and continued persistently. The staff at Ovumia told us that we were free to continue trying for as long as we wanted but that it wasn’t necessarily smart.
It was a relief to get onto the waiting list for donor treatments
The miscarriage pushed us into a crisis – my head, body and our relationship. Everything felt horrible. We had to take a break to allow my body and our minds to recover.
In the end, switching to donor egg treatments was a huge relief. We no longer had to keep trying with our own gametes. No more constant waiting, disappointment, getting excited and being disappointed again. It felt like a completely new door had opened for us.
At the same time, it was scary because this was our last chance. We had a lot at stake. But it never bothered me that my child and I wouldn’t share a genetic ancestry. To me, motherhood doesn’t come from genes but from love. It was obvious that this was the right way for us.
In the autumn of 2017, we joined the waiting list for donor eggs. We visited a psychologist, and the clinic staff told us exactly what the treatment would entail, wanting to make sure we were prepared.
We found a donor in January 2018. We had the treatment in February, and I got pregnant straight away.
From a difficult pregnancy to the neonatal intensive care unit
The pregnancy didn’t go as planned either. I was nauseous all the time and kept vomiting well past week 20.
What’s worse, the baby was premature, and we spent three tough months in the neonatal intensive care unit. It felt like everything was as difficult as it could be. It was a hard process from start to finish.
After struggling with infertility, the premature birth felt unfair. At least we’re finally able to talk about it. Maybe the best way to think about it is that good things don’t come easy.
Plus, we have something incredibly good to show for it: a small, perfect boy of our own. Just recently at the child health clinic, the nurse said he is a completely healthy 2-year-old despite being born prematurely. It hasn’t had a lasting impact on him.
I’m immensely grateful to the women who donate their eggs. Thanks to them, we had the help we needed to be able to start our own family.
Maybe a little sister for our son
Two years ago, I would have said “never again”. Yet over the last few months, my husband and I have started talking about maybe trying one more time.
I’m 35, and there’s a frozen embryo waiting at Ovumia. If the treatment is successful, our son might have a genetic full sibling. It’s a big decision, as the risks are so high due to the trouble during my previous pregnancy.
Yet we don’t want to lose this chance that so much work has gone into, and a second child would be amazing.
Knowing that Ovumia’s great staff will be there to help us makes it much easier to start the process. Our doctor Candido Tomás is probably one of the most charming people I’ve ever met. He couldn’t have chosen a more perfect profession for himself.
He makes my husband and me feel like we are his only customers in the world and everything he does, he does for our family. He is so empathic and lives in the moment.
Another great help was Mirka Haukkamaa who became our nurse when we started donor egg treatments. Mirka encouraged us during times of desperation and lightened the mood with her humour.
Making the decision to try donor egg treatments can be hard and even scary, because you don’t share a genetic ancestry with your child. Although we had thought about it long and hard, for us, the decision would probably have been a lot harder without the support of Ovumia’s professionals. I recommend you listen to them and trust them if they tell you it might be time for the next step.
The blog writer is a customer of Ovumia writing under the pseudonym “Titta”.
Read more about treatments with donated eggs
Treatments with donated eggs
